A lot of people have asked how we are doing. We knew the first year with out Teresa would be difficult especially Christmas day since this is also her Birthday. Teresa loved celebrating her Birthday with Jesus.
Ed and I wanted to skip Christmas this year. Watching the rest of the world go on with so much joy and happiness was too painful since our joy ( Teresa) was gone. But we knew we could not do this to our other children. They deserved to be happy and have a joyful Christmas also. So we have done the best we can in the midst of great sadness to make Christmas for them special.
"How are you doing?" seems like such a generic question. Some people use it as a greeting, not really wanting an in depth answer. Others can only handle a response of "we are doing o.k.", and yet others seem afraid to even ask. But there are a few who can see behind the smile that hides the pain and the eyes that can cry no more or the arms that long to hold the one that is gone. To these friends we don't need to tell how we are doing because they somehow know.
The death of Teresa has left a permanent scar on my soul. It is a scar that I will wear proudly because without it I would not be who I am today. I lived for 45 years without Teresa and only three years with her. I did not know what was missing from my life until I had her. I now know so much more all because three years of my life were touched by an angel.
This journey with Teresa has brought our entire family closer to God. The journey has been very hard and painful but it also was filled with so much joy with Teresa. We no longer try to find our new normal. This is something that will never be attained. We are different. This difference does not make us special. This "difference" was given to us by God. I do not know why nor do I understand why God has taken us on this path. It is a path that I would surely not choose as my will but one that I will trust in God to lead us on for His Will is always perfect.
Tonight as Gemma was saying her prayers she said," Mommy, I know why the Doctors could not give Teresa a new heart, because Jesus had to give her one in Heaven. "
I know this is true and I know she will celebrate her Birthday in Jesus' arms , both of them celebrating their birthdays together on Christmas day and this is what we will celebrate with a joyful yet heavy heart.
~ In this life we
will encounter hurts and trials that we will not be able to change; we are just
going to have to allow them to change us..
~ We cannot truly face life until we have learned
to face the fact that it will be taken away from us.
John Vance Cheney
~ The soul
would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
Thank you for all of the prayers, love and support.