I think by now the world knows how you loved to be a princess and wear your tiara. You would wear a tiara to bed every night and I would have to take it off of you once you fell asleep. When anyone would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up, you would always say " a real princess. " I am quite sure you are a real princess now in Heaven.
For the past three months I have awoken at 4 am every night after having a dream about you . They are mostly about how much we all miss you terribly still. But last nights dream was different. I dreamed Dad and I were living in a different world. One where people were trying to harm us. The only way we were protected from them was to keep your princess Tiara on our heads. The whole dream was about trying to keep the tiara from falling off. Once we had it on we were happy and safe.
I wasn't sure what to make of this dream at first, but Daddy and I both kind of figured it out. Lately we have been facing a lot of challenges. We always knew that following God and doing His Will would come with challenges. Through all of it our faith has only grown stronger. For what ever reason God is allowing these trials to occur. We will trust in God and wait for Him to lead the way.
Another challenge that we are facing is gief. Just when I think we are having a good day out of the blue it hits again. I walk by your little jacket hung where you left it from last spring and I can still smell the sweetness of your little cheeks on the hood, pieces of your hair are still on the hood and your little sleave rolled half way up. Your tooth brush still sits in the bathroom next to mine. I can't bear to throw it away. Your little shoes that you loved so much are still sitting next to the door. All your princess dresses are still hung , your piano awaits the beautiful songs you would serenade me with and your chair at the dinner table has your name on it from when you so proudly brought it home from school.
Our world stopped on July 1, 2013. But the rest of the world went on. Our life was forever changed.
The death of a child is like no other pain in the world. We thought we were so prepared for it. We knew all along it could be a possibility.
When I was 11 years old I lost my Mother to Cancer. At the time I thought this was the worst pain anyone could feel but I was wrong. Losing a child is so different. There really are no words to be able to describe the pain. Only someone that has gone through this grief can understand. I believe that losing my Mother at such a young age was preparing me for what was to come later. After my Mother passed away I knew I wanted to become involve in Hospice care. When I was older I volunteered in Hospice. I helped several people transition from this life to Heaven. I wanted to help others not die alone because I felt so helpless when my Mother died all alone. After volunteering for several years God lead us to adoption. With each of our daughters adoption , God was still preparing us for more.
We have been so blessed by adoption. It is amazing how God orchestrates and plans things a little at a time. I keep trying to remember this as I am one who likes to have things accomplished yesterday.
As we are continually faced with so many challenges it is nice to know that God is in complete control and we just have to Believe and Trust. We will not be discouraged. Tired and worn , yes ,but we will not give up on what has been set before us.
We do not believe that God started us on this path to give up because the road has become hard.
Teresa , I am trying to have your strength and endurance. You motivate me each day to live as you did with complete Faith ,Hope and Love.
Thank you Teresa for keeping us focused on what is important in life. We love you more sweet girl and we will continue to wear your your Tiara!