I never imagined my life would be so difficult. Difficult probably isn't the right word, busy, complex, challenging, exhausting, heavy and tiresome are probably better, but also rewarding and so filled with love.
As my Father so kindly reminded me today "You chose this life". Yes, Ed and I did choose this life and we do not regret one minute of it or of our choices. (well maybe the financial part.Being the control freak that I am it would be nice to have a little financial security but GOD is teaching us to be totally dependent on HIM for our needs of each day . )
Right now we are trying to find a "new normal", a new way of life. Our new normal consists of knowing the fastest way to the Hospital in traffic, learning exactly how the human heart functions, monitoring Teresa's oxygen and breathing regularly , medicine schedules and trying to balance the needs of 8 other children who are also learning how to deal with a new way of life.
WE are trying to not have Teresa live in a bubble and we want her to experience everything a healthy child does, but right now it is a balancing act. We were told to take her home and let her be a kid, so that is what we are trying to do. Hand sanatizer has become my new best friend. Please do not be offended if I ask you to wash your hands and take off your shoes when you come to visit or if you have been around any one that has been ill to please not get too close to Teresa. A virus could very easily travel through out her body and to her heart and brain because of how her heart is so severely deformed. ( We were told to keep her away from anyone with a virus, but with 9 kids I know this is not entirely possible)
I use to wake up at night and worry about money...how were we going to pay for this adoption...the travel expenses...health insurance...our leaking roof... tuition...
I now wake up at night and worry if Teresa will be with us for one more day . It seems so meaningless now worrying about money . We are so grateful for everyday that God shares her with us.
I know GOD has her heart in HIS hands and I know that HE brought her into our lives for a reason . I know that HIS will is perfect and I pray that I can accept HIS will for her life what ever that may be.