Dear Teresa- Run The Race

Dear Teresa,

This was the reading today in Church.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Run with endurance the race that is set before us.

This is how you lived your life Teresa, never complaining  and enduring everything set before you .  So this is how Daddy and I will live our lives.   We are going to run the race that God has set before us.   And what God has set before us is to help the orphans of China.  We leave on September 10 to go to China and help open the new "Love You More Heart Home" in Beijing in your honor.

We now belong to a new exclusive group.  One that has a very high membership fee...the loss of a precious child.   We all share the same hopes, wishes , dreams and longings for our children that we have lost.  It is not a group that I thought I would ever belong to.  And because we went into your adoption with our eyes wide open and well aware that God may not share you with us for long Teresa, it still does not make the pain any less.  

Daddy and I have decided not to sit at home and constantly think about what woulda , coulda shoulda have happened.   Our faith tells us this was Gods Will and we have peace with it.  We have decided to put into action the change we want to see in the world.  After you went to Heaven we knew we wanted to help more orphans but were so unsure on how to do it. 

That is when "things " started happening.  As we listened , it became very clear.

God is moving mountains, we are just being his hands and feet here on earth to help Him.

Today Gemma and Lucy's favorite memory of you was your secret hand shake.  You would do this hand shake every  morning as you would get on the school bus, every time I would walk out the door(if even for a second) you had to do it.  So now in your memory they are doing it all the time.  We all love it!!!!  Happy Happy memories.

As we prepare to journey into a new season of Fall and also a new season of life, our journey to China,  we hold you sweet girl so close in our hearts trying to make the world a better place for orphans in your memory.


For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Our treasure is in Heaven !!!

Our last photo together as a family.  Our joy was so different then...

Dear Teresa-Little White Animals

 Dear Teresa-

For the past month we have had many encounters with little white animals. First a little white deer came out of the woods by our house as we walked by. Now she comes out EVERY time we walk by and will stand very close to us and stare. Then while we were in Florida at Give Kids The World , a little white squirrel ran in front of us and stopped and followed us around the village. Yesterday at the pool as Lucy and I were sitting on the steps a white butterfly flew around my head 6 times and then landed on my ear, flew around Lucy and then flew over the water and circled all of the girls. 

   We buried you  in your white "Wedding Dress" as you called it.  You  LOVED this dress.   You said you were going to marry Jesus and you were wearing your wedding dress for your first Holy Communion.  Pink was your favorite color but white was your favorite color too because you said it always reminded you of your wedding dress.

Such Happy Memories Sweet girl! What a BLESSING!

Wonder what little white animal you will send us next Teresa? 

 

Dear Teresa- I BELIEVE

Dear Teresa,
This was not the ending that we had prayed for , dreamed about or wished for.  But it is the ending that was  Gods will.  And in the end it was really just the beginning.  The beginning of your eternal life in Heaven. 

Our prayer was for your heart to be healed and we would all live happily ever after.   I believed with all of my heart that this would happen.  I believed that God would answer our prayer for you to be healed here on earth and stay in my arms.  I BELIEVED!

But I also know that some of our prayers can only be answered once we go home to Heaven .  And this was Gods will for you Teresa.  I do not understand,  but I still BELIEVE.
I believe God is good all of the time, not just when things are going our way.
I believe that one day I will be with you again.
I believe  but my heart is still broken.  It is broken from my own pain of not having you here,  grieving for what was , what could have been.

When you are so close to death,  you see everything in a different light.  You could see this Teresa, you knew . Your vision was very clear to you , it was in every beat  of your heart and it was visible looking through your eyes into your soul.

Your outlook on life was from Heaven.  You lived your life with pure love for everyone and everything. You didn't need the most toys or worldly possessions.  You were happy just playing in a make believe bus made from a box with Gemma and being surrounded by "Your Family".

Your visions of heaven were magical just like your personality.  You would describe to me  what you thought  Heaven would look like  and now you are enjoying it all in it's magical splendor.

I believe this.  I believe you are happy, healthy and full of life in Heaven with God.

Life goes on.   We are left here without you to Believe that one day we will be together again.

This week we have Doctors appointments, blood transfusions and surgeries to schedule for your sisters, and life goes on.

Is it true you don't really know what you are missing  until it is gone?  NO!  We did not know what we were missing until we had you !

I asked God why????
How could this be His will?
We fought so hard , prayed so hard.
I feel like I am grasping for the hem of Jesus' cloak, trying to hold on.   Holding on when all  hope seems gone.
But then I am  reminded that there is still hope.  Hope for life with you again Teresa in Heaven.
God still has much for us to do for him here on earth and it is all because of you Teresa.

Will we adopt again?  This is not in "our" plans  but if it is Gods will we will not say no to  Him.

Teresa,  we are going to China very soon.  We will be helping to lay the ground work for the new Heart Home in Beijing,  the "Love You More Heart Home" named after you T Bear! We will be working along side some very caring, loving people here in America and  China.  We will be helping to change the lives of orphans , one child at a time, one heart at a time.
We also will be visiting your orphanage.  We learned that your orphanage director  did not want to release your file for adoption because you were thought to be hopeless.  One caring very determined individual fought very hard for you to be considered adoptable.   We will be talking to this orphanage director to explain to  her just how much purpose your life had and how much purpose EVERY childs life holds .   Every child deserves to be loved and have their own family. 
I know Teresa that we can not save them all.  No one person can help everyone but everyone can help someONE!  We will love and help one child at a time.
"We can do little things with great love" - Mother Teresa

You taught us the true meaning of  Love Teresa, because you were Agape Love.

We will be bringing with us to China medical supplies.  If you would like to help donate any of the items listed below please email me for my address.
1. ECMO cannulas
2. Nonin infant pulse oxymetor sensors
3.Infant vitamin drops with iron
4.Hand sanitizer
5.permethrin cream for scabies

http://www.turnermedical.com/NONIN_8008J_INFANT_FLEX_SENSOR_p/nonin_8008j.htm

http://www.turnermedical.com/NONIN_8001J_NEONATAL_FLEX_SENSOR_p/nonin_8001j.htm

 

We are very grateful for any donations !

Teresa your life is still touching so many lives around the world!
You are  Super Girl!

Dear Teresa- Hugs sent to Heaven

Dear Teresa,
Today we went to the cemetery and sent you hugs, prayers, dreams and love to Heaven.  Your sisters all wrote you a special message on a balloon and then sent them to heaven for you.  I know you will love reading them.  They were so heart felt and filled with the hope of seeing you again in heaven soon.  We also sprinkeled Mickey Magic on your grave that the girls brought back from Disney.
 

You would love how the girls decorated you grave,  full of flowers, angels and princess balloons. 
We buried you right next to Grandmom (my Mom).  Although you never met her on earth , I know in Heaven you two must be inseparable .  She was so much like you and also suffered so much in her life.  We consider this ground to be very Holy!   I know that you remember what happened last year as we were decorating Grandmoms grave with flowers .  We were all bending over in front of the headstone looking at a catapillar and the headstone fell on top of me.  Luckily missing all of you girls but my leg was trapped underneath and I could not get out.  There was no one else around to help and Lucy and Mary tried so hard to lift the headstone but could not make it budge.   Lucy ran back to the car to get my phone so she could call 911. While she was  on the phone Mary  went over and lifted the headstone off of my leg  ALL BY HERSELF!  She said Jesus told her to go around and lift the headstone off of me  and HE would help her.  When help arrived no one could believe that Mary lifted  it by herself because it took three men to lift it just to retrieve my shoe that was still stuck underneath.  Mary does not talk about what happened anymore, if asked she just says it was Jesus not her.

As the balloons slowly flew up to Heaven ,  Mary said " Look they made the shape of a cross".   And they did sweet girl!   They formed a cross as they drifted towards Heaven for you . The girls all stood and watched until they could not see them anymore and were sure  they were in your arms in Heaven.


In every picture we take , there will always be  someone missing...


Helen Keller
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

God is good all of the time, Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Dear Teresa- one day closer

Dear Teresa, 

Every day without you is one day closer to being with you again!

Who ever said time heals all wounds obviously did not know you or your enormous spirit.   I can say so far time has not healed the wound of losing you. 

Time has only made things different. 

Before we adopted you,  we had no idea how much was missing from our lives.  You showed us what life was all about. 

You just did not visit with the princesses and smile and get your photo taken, you examined every detail of Belle's dress , what color lipstick she was wearing, you noticed every sparkly diamond in her tiara and you asked her if you could try on her shoes!

This is how you lived every second of every day, noticing everything and being so happy about the simplest things in life. 

This is why it has been so very hard to adjust to this new normal.  And I can tell you little T Bear, I do not like it one bit. 

I will admit that the past three years had moments of worry and fear.   But it was all so worth it because YOU brought us so much joy ,love and happiness.  I would do it all again even if God only shared you with us for one day, it all would have been worth it!

There never will be another you, and God knew this.  

To fill this tremendous void of not having you in our arms , God is leading us on a new journey. 

This journey I know will be filled  with much  heart ache but also great joy.  

You see little T , God is taking us back to China.  I know you had a big part in discussing this with God.  We are going to help as many heart children as we can by establishing a heart home for children with the  most complex heart conditions. And with each child we hold, we will be hugging you and helping them to have their forever family just like you so desperately wanted.  All for you sweet girl!

In each child's eyes I will see you.

To everyone who offered to help us on this mission in Teresa's  memory , I will be returning all  of your emails next week. Thank you so much for all of the offers to help in any way. 

I know God has great plans for Your love  to keep  flowing  even from heaven Teresa .

Your light was too bright to go out.  From heaven you will shine even brighter! 

"To find your way in this world, listen to your heart"- PJ Hendricks

We listened to our heart when we answered the call to adopt you Teresa.  How blessed we have been by adoption! 

Dear Teresa - GKTW

Dear Teresa ,  

This morning we got up very early so we could volunteer at Give Kids The World.   Guess what we saw Teresa as we went outside ?  A beautiful sunrise with pink princess clouds to remind us of you !  Remember T how much fun you had at GKTW on your wish trip?   You loved eating ice cream for breakfast and thought that was so silly.  Well guess what ,  your sisters all had ice cream for breakfast with LOTS of cherries on top in your memory.   We looked at your star again in The Castle Of Dreams.   I wonder what you wished for on that magical day two years ago .  You never told me .  You would giggle and say it was a secret   every time I would ask you . 

My wish today was to just have one more  day with you.  

Dear Teresa - Belle

Dear Teresa , 

What a magical day we had today.  

We met  a wonderful family at Epcot this morning that had been praying for you for three years.  Their family also has been blessed  by adoption.  

What a joy to finally be able to meet this family. 

Then the girls had a special lunch planned by The Joy Hope Foundation with all the Princesses.    Belle greeted us as we arrived.   I was praying Sweet Pea  that you would give me the strength  to meet Belle because she was your FAVORITE Princesses .  You wore her dress almost everyday and knew every line in the movie and could sing all the songs .   

I was doing good Sweet Pea until Belle looked at your picture and started crying .  

You had an incredible gift Teresa of being able to touch people's hearts while you were on earth and you are still touching hearts only now from heaven .  

The girls also met Mulan and shared your photo with her.    You are not going to believe this T but she looked at me and said she knew you!  I asked her how and she said last month a friend came to Epcot and asked her to send a special message to a little girl named Teresa that was having a heart transplant.    You see Teresa  many people loved you so much that someone we have never met emailed me while you were in the hospital and asked if they could send you a special video message from all the princesses at Disney.  Daddy and I sat in the hospital and watched every one of the special messages from the princesses all wishing to see you and for you to feel better.  Sadly Sweet Pea you never got to see them on earth but I know you can see them now from heaven. All your sisters have watched the messages and it made them smile.

Mulan was so happy that  she was able to meet us and said your story really touched her heart! 

We never intended to make all the princesses cry but we cried right along with them because we all love you so much sweet girl!

We continued to walk around Epcot on  Gemmas mission to make sure she gave EVERY Princess  your photo and the letter she wrote to each one  , we finally met with  Aladdin and Jasmine.  

What another moving experience it was.  They spent so much  time with your sisters. They took photos and then took them for a walk around Morocco showing them the shops with all of their treasures. They then stopped at the fountain to make a wish.   But not just any wish Teresa , a wish for you and they sent it to heaven!  

When Gemma told us a few weeks ago that she wanted to give the princesses your photo and a tiara , we thought it would be a very good way for her to heal and smile.  At the same time I knew it would be very difficult for daddy and I to do because we knew how much you loved all of them and we thought it would be too painful for us to do . 

Yes , it has been very painful to be here with out you Teresa.   You were all of the Disney princesses  wrapped up into one sweet, loving little girl.  But what I have learned  from this experience , I will cherish forever.  Just like your entire life and having you as our daughter for the past three years , there was more to this than just visiting the princesses.  Like everything in your life it has a meaning and a purpose.  I was so afraid of coming  and not having you here and doing something that you lOVED, I wasn't sure I would be strong  enough to smile for your sisters.  But you gave me the strength and with each princess we meet and share your story with we all get stronger.  It's not about what we dont have .  It's about what we do have .  We still have you in our hearts.  We were blessed to have you for three years. God is good . 

After leaving Epcot we visited Give    Kids The World .  What a humbling experience this is to be able to help others smile .  Mayzie brought so many smiles to the childrens faces.  She absolutely loved all of the attention she received.  You see Teresa , Mayzie also misses you  very much .   Remember how she would lick your face when you would run around?   She knew your oxygen was getting too low  and she would start licking you and you would stop and rub her tummy and sit with her .  Well when we came home from the hospital she knew  you were in heaven and she started licking  and licking her leg because she was so upset .  Even though Mayzie was trained to help Emilia she always has helped everyone.  She is very sensitive and can feel many emotions. So I was not surprised when she would help you also. But she has felt the emotion of sadness in our family for the past 4 weeks along with the rest of us. 

Bringing her with us has been very therapeutic for her.   

Your journey never was an easy one sweet girl, and along the way you had many lessons to teach to the world.   As our family continues on this journey now with out you in our arms , we hold you close in our hearts.   You continue to teach us so much.

"The key to our heaven is LOVE"- Cinderella