Ed and I wanted to skip Christmas this year. Watching the rest of the world go on with so much joy and happiness was too painful since our joy ( Teresa) was gone. But we knew we could not do this to our other children. They deserved to be happy and have a joyful Christmas also. So we have done the best we can in the midst of great sadness to make Christmas for them special.
"How are you doing?" seems like such a generic question. Some people use it as a greeting, not really wanting an in depth answer. Others can only handle a response of "we are doing o.k.", and yet others seem afraid to even ask. But there are a few who can see behind the smile that hides the pain and the eyes that can cry no more or the arms that long to hold the one that is gone. To these friends we don't need to tell how we are doing because they somehow know.
The death of Teresa has left a permanent scar on my soul. It is a scar that I will wear proudly because without it I would not be who I am today. I lived for 45 years without Teresa and only three years with her. I did not know what was missing from my life until I had her. I now know so much more all because three years of my life were touched by an angel.
This journey with Teresa has brought our entire family closer to God. The journey has been very hard and painful but it also was filled with so much joy with Teresa. We no longer try to find our new normal. This is something that will never be attained. We are different. This difference does not make us special. This "difference" was given to us by God. I do not know why nor do I understand why God has taken us on this path. It is a path that I would surely not choose as my will but one that I will trust in God to lead us on for His Will is always perfect.
Tonight as Gemma was saying her prayers she said," Mommy, I know why the Doctors could not give Teresa a new heart, because Jesus had to give her one in Heaven. "
I know this is true and I know she will celebrate her Birthday in Jesus' arms , both of them celebrating their birthdays together on Christmas day and this is what we will celebrate with a joyful yet heavy heart.
Ron Lee Davis
~ In this life we will encounter hurts and trials that we will not be able to change; we are just going to have to allow them to change us..
Billy Graham
~ We cannot truly face life until we have learned to face the fact that it will be taken away from us.
John Vance Cheney
~ The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
Thank you for all of the prayers, love and support.
I love the statement, Gemma made about Teresa. It is so very true. From the mouths of children comes so much wisdom. Praying for you and your family as you celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. The first year without a loved is always difficult. May you feel God near you every moment of every day. Love to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and praying for you as you head into Christmas!
ReplyDeletePraying for you always but especially this Christmas. - Theresa from Georgia
ReplyDeleteI pray for yourfamily every day. In january it will be three years since we brought our nikki home from china, I can't imagine how I would survive without her. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys. I know that this time of year is on but you are blessed to be surrounded by the little ones you still have here on Earth. They will help get through the difficult day.
ReplyDeleteAnn, Ed and Family:
ReplyDeleteI have been following your family's journey since last June and just wanted to wish all of you a Blessed Christmas and a lot of joy in the upcoming New Year. You, your family and most of all Teresa have changed my life and the way I approach life's ups and downs. I never see a tiara, a heart, a service dog, flowers and (my fav color too) pink without thinking about all your children and you and Ed. Thank you for letting us be a part of this journey, learning about the blessings that Teresa has spread to us throughout the world and teaching us what love is about.
Happy Birthday Jesus and Happy Birthday Teresa.
Gemma has wonderful insight on her sister....sometimes looking through a childs eyes on loss can make such perfect sense. I know Teresa celebrated a wonderful birthday with her Father in Heaven...we can only imagine the smiles on your baby girls face yesterday...she has such a beautiful smile...Strength and Peace be with you all...
ReplyDeleteContinued prayers,
Michele
Carlsbad,NM
Still praying for your peace & happiness. Esther in RI
ReplyDeleteYou are right. How are you doing is such a mundane, sometimes unanswerable question. Recently, also following the death of a dear one, I had to say to people, please don't ask me that question today, I cannot answer it.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't going to find a new normal, it will find you and you are doing a very good job just as you are. There isn't a script or formula for loss and grief, despite how many psychiatrists and therapists insist there is.
Teresa lived with half a heart and when she died, she took half of yours. When you are together again, you'll get it back.
Meanwhile, you will be happy and you will be sad. You have done such a marvelous work in China and set such a positive example to all who have been touched by your family.
I am envious in the nicest possible way that you had Teresa for your daughter. God did give you something to keep that is very special, the experience of loving more deeply and fully and unconditionally than most will ever comprehend.
Blessing to you and your family!
I continue to pray for you regularly. I cannot even fathom the depths of your pain. I get a lump in my throat at the sight of Teresa's little face. Thankful that God promises to one day wipe away all tears from our eyes.
ReplyDeletePraying for you constantly.
ReplyDelete