I Should Be Happy...

Something has been bothering me for a while . I couldn't figure out just what it was. I should be happy... We are going back to China to bring our daughter home. Our community has embraced our plea for help to bring her home. Their willingness to help us has deeply touched my heart. I should be happy ... GOD has moved so many mountains for our adoption to be completed so quickly , almost flawlessly. In just a few weeks I will hold my new daughter for the first time. I should be happy...But I am not. Why am I not happy , I have a wonderful family with a loving husband , fantastic kids and a beautiful house. We have family dinners and family cookouts . We live in a wonderful community. But that was it , I have it all and I was going back to where 13million orphans have nothing. It is so easy to forget them , their faces, their names, their hugs...when I am here with all the comforts of home. But now that I am going back in a few weeks, all the emotions of what I have seen there are returning. I feel tremendous guilt that I am only bringing one child home. Five months have gone by and the children we met are still going to bed alone , getting up every morning by themselves alone, dressing , eating and waiting. Waiting for their family to come bring them home.

I am angry that I can not do more. I am angry that GOD has opened my eyes to see this. I am angry that I have so much but the most needy and helpless have so little. I am angry that the world is run by money.

I am very sad that I am going back to China and not able to do more to help the children that are left behind.